Claims Adjuster Prints

Insurance co. claims department.

'I think you misunderstood. The million dollar umbrella policy only covers you for claims involving an umbrella.'

'I'm afraid, unless you can show proof you're employed by God, I'll have to deny this claim.'

'Why'd we deny your claim? I'll have to check our records.'

"Quick, get me an ambulance and some Wite-Out."

'I've had a chance to look over your policy and I'm afraid you're not covered.'

'The object is to make money, not pay claims! Don't make me tell you again!'

"Okay, I'll accept that the big, bad wolf blew your house down, but I don't believe he 'nicked your D.V.D. recorder and plasma T.V.'."

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

"Any accidents in the last 5 years?"

'Sorry Sir, but you don't seem to be covered for hail damage...'

"And what gives you the uneasy feeling that my workers comp claim is under investigation?"

"So Jehova, you say this man drove straight into you. Got any witnesses?"

'Being hooked on the soaps doesn't qualify you for disability payments.'

'I'm sorry, but when you took out the policy, you never specified that it was a mobile home.'

'So you say the cash box was stolen.'

"And when my head hits the dashboard, I want you to pass me a compensation claim form."

'Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's Captain Compensation!'

False Insurance Claims

Insurance Claims Offices: Push and Pull the Other One!

Direct Line telephone being hit by a car.

'What do you mean my policy does not cover for this sort of thing!'

"I wonder if the 'Dumpty' incident led to a restructuring of their liability package."

I bet those are accident reports.

Enquiries/Limbo/Claims.

What say we don't put a claim in on this one. He barely grazed me.

Insurance - Do you think the storm damage claims have blown over yet?

'I don't want a piece of the rock. I want money.'

'Your house was blown off by a big bad wolf hey?! It looks very much like an insurance scam to me!...'

'How did your meeting with your insurance company go?'

"I'm sorry, Mr. Binkman, but if you look closely, your policy with us is for otter insurance, not auto insurance. By the way, your otter wasn't hurt in the accident, was he?"

Rolling Dice Insurance: 'I don't care what you were told last year! Your claim is denied!'

"We can't pay out on your husband's bungee jumping accident. We regard 'stupidity' as a pre-existing condition."

Pregnant woman going to 'Accident Claims'.

Acme Insurance Company. Claims Dept. They say they don't cover "acts of God", and boy, are they ever pious! (Published previously 4/10/2000)