City Slicker Gifts

'We're from Manhattan."

"Do you mind? I happen to be on the phone!"

'Why should I be concerned about the environment? I never go there.'

"Sometimes I wish you had taken that job in New York."

"Welcome to New York."

What Population Problem?

Entering New York City - Take your medication now.

Way too many people ahead...

'Let's face the facts, Walter -- we've become middle-aged urban professionals.'

'Wow, you're absolutely right! From up here, they look EXACTLY like us!'

Street signposts - 'walk the walk' and 'talk the talk'.

Miracles on 34th Street.

Kevin's First Apartment

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Now entering new york city... move it, a*****e!

Pantomime Horse

'Yes, we're conveniently located.'

"Oh, you know - wearing light clothing, drinking plenty of liquids, and avoiding strenuous activity."

"Factominiums."

'Excuse me, but is this office space taken?'

'I'm going on a fact-finding mission at great personal risk to a land of strange beliefs and alarming rituals. It's called 'beyond the beltway.''

'A busy day on Wall Street. A New York minute was clocked at a record speed of 27 seconds.'

"Still snowing upstate?"

"Of course it's a stupid sign, but you wouldn't believe how much money it brings in for city hall!"

"Hmmmph! I thought the city was supposed to have smart buses - that one just took off without pickin' us up!!!"

The Location, Location, Location Arms

'Un-Cooperative Apartments.'

Travelling alarm clock for the modern urbanite

City Windfarms.

Manhattan Cat atop the Empire State

I'm a Smart-Cow!

Urban Trail Mix

"And it's close to the subway."

'The wilderness -- and step on it!'

Standup comic doing pro-bono work in isolated rural area.