Churchworker Pillows

'Here's a suggestion that our collection plate not be from a local fast food place.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Priest

A child interrupting family prayers

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Let us pray...'

"My wish is simple—to give something back to the community."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

St. Elmo's fired.

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

CCTV in church.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

Baptism Then and Now

"Amen. Please help me up."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation