Churchgoers Praying For Better Passwords Mugs

"...I'm at the end of my tether and don't what to do. I can remember the username - it's just the password..."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"I'm not sure if we're named after passwords or vice versa."

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"We missed you at church Sunday."

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

United Church of OMG

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

Follow God On Twitter

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

Out for lunch... GOD

"...and, for those parishioners who insist on a Eucharist made with all organic, locally-sourced ingredients, see Father Maguire at aisle three."

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

'How come I never see you in church?'

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

Cut out and keep your own Baby Jesus.

Man waiting to receive communion drinks soda

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

'Only way I can get people in on a Sunday.'

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'