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Old Pope's Home

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Verger Works

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

United Church of OMG

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"Today's sermon will be followed immediately by a rebuttal from the opposition."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Any other reason for your disappointment with God other than your team has never won a Superbowl?"

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"Collections were down. We had to get creative."

"It's a cup holder."

'Of course my fact-finding tour is legitimate. Can I help if if there are more facts in the Bahamas than Cleveland?'

'I didn't know the church sold an extended warrenty on marriage?'

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'I'm falling in love with Eddie... he has the most beautiful biggest organ ever!'