Church Financial Officer T-Shirts

"Is it a sin to think of them as gives and give nots?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Ok, do we agree the minutes of the last meeting?"

'Salaries Manager. No.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

'I'm sorry but I'm afraid the corporation is going in a different direction.'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

"#Win!"

The Evolution of the Bonus