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The pope.

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"That's our new church mascot."

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

R.C.I.A.

God is for life not just for Christmas.

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Sunday Sermon: Does God Prefer Particular Sports Teams?

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Martin Luther's 96th Thesis

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Vicar

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Pope Francis

Heavenly voices.

Hymns - Optional Extras

"Although the collection plate appears to be half full, our accountant assures me that it is half empty."

Ding and Dong.

"Oh, hi Pastor, I figured I didn't need to go to church - I ALREADY felt guilty."

Using dogs as greeters at church was a failed experiment.

A group of women concerned about a priest climbing a ladder

"Bible studies class? We're still writing it."

Yeah? Well my father's better at prayers

'I'm pleased to see my flock ignoring E.U. health and safety regulations!'

Please follow safe worship practices.

SOARING BILL

Love in Church