Chronic Negotiator T-Shirts

'I see you gave in to your secretary's request for a salary increase!'

'But, Mom. Think of all the leftovers he can thankfully eliminate.'

"Stock options won't do it. I'll also need a ball of yarn."

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

"Well, so far I'm managing to stay above the fray."

"I'll trade you my cupcake for your head lice."

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

'If negotiations sour, throw a handful in his eyes.'

Boss, what would you say if I told you that if you don't give me a raise, I'll go work somewhere else? I'd say "Wouldn't it be a shame if your letter of recommendation mentioned how you're an awful employee?" And I'd say "Isn't it a shame the town council has made sure this is the only cafe within fifty miles?" But the way, have you delivered my latest care packages to the council members? Very bad man.

"I learned that I'm more of a leaf pile jumper and less of a leaf pile raker."

'Just sign your approval for the heliport and we can both go about our business.'

'If I eat three more pieces of meat and three more spoonfuls of peas, I want three puddings after!'

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I suggest because I'm the boss and I say so. Or, #2: I launch into an excruciatingly dull, long and detailed presentation explaining my position. You decide."

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

If you pony is difficult to catch...take a good supply of lump sugar with you...and eat as much of it as you can.

'When it comes to giving a bonus...some people will stop at nothing.'

Agreeing to Disagree Mediators...Open.

'I'm looking for you to get me more QUID in my Quid pro quo.'

'Ready for your first lesson in negotiations?'

"I'm not eating candy before dinner. I'm skipping dinner."

"It's a note from teacher. She wants to trade the apple I gave her for my chocolate fudge brownie."

Insurance Company representative with rabbi to lawyer and client: 'I brought hiim along to assure you we would negotiate in good faith.'

"If you promise to be very careful, Mommy will let you carry the baguettes."

"Remember: Say what you mean, but don't mean what you say."

'I'll trade you my topsoil for your apple.'

"Another day in paradise."

"Dad, I want another dog for my birthday." "NO." "OK. I want a stripper girlfriend for my birthday." "What kind of dog do you want."

'They're still ticked off about losing the cost-of-living allowance.'

'It's a deal. You buy my insurance and I'll buy your knitted booties.'

David meets Goliath's lawyer.

"When I first took over discipline was very bad. Well I'm glad to say we now seem to have turned a corner!"

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."

M.D. I hope you brought more candy --- Your HMO just raised you co-pay.

"I'll help you find where you buried your bones, but I get a 5% finder's fee."

"What a day. The man I pass the buck to was off sick."