Cholesterol Checkers Prints

Extremely Practical Jokes.

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

All Natural Nothing

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

Secretive Weigh In.

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'Diet considerations.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

Dieting Motivation.

Sisyphus Sawyer

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Dinosaurs ponder fad dieting prior to extinction.

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'