Chlorine Critic Prints

'Why is there so much chlorine in this water?'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Reading my Critics

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Technically, it's a mammal."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

The new Physics

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

"Now this is what I call an honest little pub!"

"You'll never believe who's here."

The Algonquin Round Table

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

Charles Baudelaire.

"You call that a suit?"

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

Manspreading in Art