Child Education Pillows

'Mom, am I store-bought or homemade?'

"Peter and I spent the summer re-wilding the children."

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

A Puppet Named Juan

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Hate Platforms

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Ethics exam cheater.

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Computer Room.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Big Bang Theory.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

Fear/Knowledge

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

'Hmph. College kids.'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"