Charity Scam Spotter Prints

'This is sounds of the ocean. For a $25 pledge, we'll send you a recording of 'Sounds of the Tsunami'.....'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'While these products may not result in weight loss, they will result in credibility loss.'

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

Gone Phishing

"Fraud ..what fraud?... " SEC

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

'Investing in a company whose website is Ponzischeme.come would raise red flags for me.'

"Don't worry, everybody will be expecting an elephant in the room."

"Would you believe it, that pensions liberation plan was just an on-line scam..."

Get rich quick giving seminars!

'Miss Thompson. Get me the charity list, I feel some ethics coming on!!'

"Okay, but I'd like a charity receipt for my taxes."

'No thanks.'

'I think we should try having a 'none week' week.'

"I told mom I won't answer her calls in case a scammer got her number."

Keep Every Buck

Maynard inadvertently goes phishing.

'It's a new concept in fund drives. First we collect the money, and then we decide what we're going to do with it.'

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

"You mean all this time everything was really a screw?"

"I paid twelve quid for this and it only mentions nine!"

'Earn Dollars a Day by Doing Absolutely Nothing!'

"It's good to see some companies taking a positive from it!"

"Before the sound of lapping water commences please confirm your bank details."

"You bet I'd love a free trip to Cancún."

STIMULUS PACKAGE ALLOCATION COMMITTEE, 'Okay, we'll take the part out about the Nigerian banker's widow.'