Chapter Of The Divine T-Shirts

"This is the book of the millennium club - Bible study."

Local News in Heaven

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

An amplified harp

Airports.

Vicar's driving lesson "Here endeth the first lesson!"

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

Best Seller of All Times...The Holy Bible:'No fair. You're creating your own readers.'

'How nice! -- They're making a ten-part miniseries about the Bible!'

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

Heaven is unattended...leave your prayers at the sound of the tone.

'What you did was not only 'wrong' - it was 'wrongedy-wrong-wrong!''

You've Got Mail

'How about I pass the plate first, and then show them these?'

'Oh, ick! -- I just stepped on a fish!'

God's Writers Block

"The fact is, I wasn't thoroughly vetted."

'If God tells you what to say in your sermon, why do you make so many corrections?'

"Our records indicate you should be in hell. But since you’ve been married for forty years we’ll count that as time served."

My Obituary

'Well, actualy, yes... I do think I'm God's Gift to Women.'

In and Out.

"And my board approved this?"

'I'd buy her a drink, but I don't think I can do that up here.'

"There's always one!"

"Hey Noah, there is a guy named Jonah who wants to book passage."

"My post only got one like, but it is from God."

"We've always admired those literate prayers of yours, and it's our hope that you'll keep them coming even though you're dead."

Road rage in olden days

"I'm feeling smitey today."

Smoke break in Heaven