Ceo Satire Fan Prints

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

Dad is a CEO

"Looks like we found the issue."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Lethal Presentation

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

Born In Captivity.

"We have an acronym!"

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"