Census Taker Fan Prints

Fresh Blood In Politics

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

First and last day as census taker...

'Number 20 is up. His batting average is 320 and his drug tests are negative.'

Election Time

"Well, the census results are out, but a footnote says that the sheep count is probably inaccurate as the auditors often found themselves getting drowsy..."

"Mrs. Walsh? Oh, good ... you’re still alive."

"The latest poll numbers must be out."

'Our poll shows the typical voter is all polled out.'

Dropping Popularity of Obama.

'...and how satisfied are you with the food? (1) very satisfied,(2) satisfied,(3) needs improvements.'

Gate has 'beware of the dog' sign. Dog has a clipboard questionnaire and asks: 'Excuse me, could I have five minutes of your time?'

"d you say, 'better the devil you know,' or 'throw the rascal out' or 'other'?"

"Your poll results on't look good. You're trailing 'statistically insignificant'."

'You are polling very well with the highly motivated 18 to 26 year olds who never vote.'

'In your opinion, who was the worst U.S. president since W.W.II...?'

'I KNOW the country is deeply divided!'

"Have you ever considered that you haven't been promoted because you're and idiot?"

Annual cat survey.

'We are too watching a game show. Baseball is a game.'

'...Best of all, Mr. President, 83 of high school dropouts on welfare think you're doing an EXCELLENT job!'

"I want to 'tell it like it is' to my supporters, but what do they want to hear?"

"We've gotten the poll results. We've crunched the numbers. We've adjusted for margin of error. He's got to shoot more ducks."

Random sample.

'If at first you don't get the survey results you want on your first survey, get mad and tear it up.'

'Excuse me, Sir - I wonder if you'd mind helping me with a survey....?'

A Bird answering a questionnaire "Common or garden?"

'Ethnic origin? Put me down as mixed race.'

A survey taker distills the voices of the many into his ear.

'Oh for PETE'S SAKE LENNY NOT right now! I'm in the middle of Conducting a survey!'