Casual Churchgoer Prints

"Today's message really convicted me Preacher. Good thing church is only once a week."

'Am I going to church - I thought Christmas gave me a pass till Easter.'

"Your father is 'Christian Lite', children. He only goes to church on holidays."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Priest

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'Let us pray...'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Verger Works

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"I have an app for that."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

United Church of OMG

CCTV in church.

Baptism Then and Now

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'