Castle Aficionado Pillows

'At the risk of sounding judgemental, I don't think they really mean it.'

"No, you don't need to slay a dragon or go on a quest to prove your love to me. I just want you to keep your castle a hell of a lot cleaner."

'I bet we could have put you together if we'd gone through all the king's union apprentice programs.'

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

Warning! Coronavirus!

Medieval defences

"Remember to storm the castle without damaging the structure, or the property would lose value in the real estate market."

'We weren't expecting a Royal visit.....Where's the King?'

'Are you quite sure you want to call him Warren,Mr.and Mrs.Peace?'

'Soccer hooligans, majesty! Thousands of them! We're doomed!'

'Let one more dragon get away and I'm busting you all the way down to peasant!'

"I'm making moatmeal. Do you want some?"

You Are Here (map in dungeon)

We've been Gazumped

"We'd like you to put a cat-flap in!"

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

"It's just, when you called it a 'country estate'..."

"I'm starting to regret that haircut."

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

"What sorcery be this? Thine castle is bouncy!"

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"He's his own worst enemy."

"Early model of baggage claim"

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

'I think they're up to something.'

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

Blue Dress

'The knights are drawing closer'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."