Career Counselor Mugs

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

'It helps to be a little crazy to work here, but you're overqualified.'

". . . So what's with bosses these days? It seems like I can never find a good one."

Ok class, these career path suggestions are based on the personality assessments you all took last week...

"'Lunch'? Well, yes - but what are your long-term goals?"

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"I really believe my research abilities would be an asset to whatever this company is called."

'I'm looking for a career in something that will make me first in line for a government bailout if I mess up.'

Worm job fair.

Phil blows his interview before even sitting down.

'The purpose in life is to find a purpose in life.'

'Any special awards or honors other than the three gold stars you got in second grade?'

'Students who major in these subjects have a 7% less chance of moving back in with their parents after graduation.'

"When did you say you left school?"

'Where do you see yourself in five years? Still looking for work?'

'We'll be in touch. I still have to interview a few other applicants.'

'If he has a pulse, hire him!'

'Would you prefer a quick termination or a slow, painful phaseout?'

"Early retirement is an OK long-term goal, Kevin, but most folks need to get a job first."

"This is so much more fun than reading CVs."

'What about short-term? Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'Your only choices are hunter, gatherer or hunter-gatherer. What the #&%! is accounting?'

"Hope you don't mind - I've brought in a body-language interpreter."

'You'll notice on my resume that nothing has ever been my fault.'

"My goal is to major in something that won't become obsolete in four years."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"I've been working from home for the last couple of years."

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

'He has an MBA from Wharton.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

'Frankly - I don't see much chance of making a career out of backpacking!'

'So, where do you see youself by June?'

PERSONNEL, 'Our retirement plan is that we try to get you Swedish citizenship.'

'I see from your CV you're all things to all men.'