Career Contortionist Pillows

...Can I come back and re-apply with a dumbed down C.V.?

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

"You're one of the short termed employed. You're out of here tomorrow."

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

Romantic Giraffes

Bodybuilder pumping himself up.

How are you at decision making?

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"How long have you lived in this gym?"

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

"Is that Technical Support? My computer's fine - I just don't know how to operate my chair."

'I started as just another 'yes man', but eventually my talents were recognized and I became a full fledged sycophant.'

Artistic license.

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

"Sweet dreams, Tim." "Mort Feldstein: Loving father and professional clown."

Multitasking

Angel with a halo nose piercing.

"It's an entry-level position, but I was assured it would just be for a few years."

Gymnast tangled up.

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'Your resume says that you were previously a waiter. Can I assume that you're comfortable taking orders?'

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'

'Forget the pills - here, take two of these.'

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

"My daughter tells me that you work in the entertainment industry?"

Door-to-Door Liposuction.

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

Multitasking

'You're arrogant, pig-headed and have no communication skills -have you thought of a career in intelligence?'

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

Planning officer has a man in his in-tray: 'In order to speed up the system, I have my own personal member of the public to consult.'