Care Home Comedians Mugs

Taggers rest retirement village

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

How's the new one?

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

'I put lint tape all over his onesie so that, as he crawls around, he picks up the dog hair.'

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

'Well, Mr. Harris, I'm afraid you simply care too much. You have compassion fatigue.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

"Let me know if that level of medication is effective. And if we need to, we can give some to the student as well."

"What was the name of that adoption agency?"

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

A man jumps out of a window to avoid an injection.

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

'You don't hear the bath water running because I'm taking a sponge bath, mom.'

IV Bags: Main and Afters

'His parents never returned for him.'

'Wow, that's great! The house rules say pets ain't allowed here!'

"The neighborhood association wants to know why you're never at our meetings."

'That is one absorbent nappy.'

"I've been thinking about what you said about three living as cheaply as two"

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

'If it weren't for diapers, I'd have nothing in common with him.'

'Yes, I'm sure they'll let you watch your soap operas, grandma.'

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

Old People Whisperer

'Harold is so overjoyed about your trip, Mother, he's speechless!'

"Oh, and remember to roll up the rug the other way when you're done so it'll lie flat again."

"Officer, the washing machine ate my brother!"