Carbon Counters Pillows

'We do a lot for the ecosystem.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"We finally reached net zero emissions."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'To help save the environment, I've replaced all of our lightbulbs with compact fluorescents. Now I'm running the old ones over to the landfill...'

All Natural Nothing

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"I hope that's low calorie eye of newt."

Secretive Weigh In.

'And this one's framed in beautiful Brazilian hardwood.'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

7 brownies worth of exercise.

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'I won't tell my thighs if you don't..'

Accountant Bedtime Stories

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

"These are magic beans, my boy. Their value comes from growth and scale, not revenue."

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"What about my footprint?"

Extra Rich Cream Cakes

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

Joe's Weight Gain: 'Hey, Victoria...I like this diet you told me about yesterday...I just lost 2 more while we've been talking.'