Car Insurance Agent Pillows

'The bollard jumped out in front of me!'

Car Accident,

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'But he qualifies for medicare in dog years.'

"I need a holiday that guarantees perfect weather, good beaches and romance!"

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

Obama Healthcare.

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

"Do Mr. Reaper, do you have health insurance?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"You'll feel a pinch now and another one when the bill comes."

'A 10M bonus for your thoughts.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

Squash Courts - "Insurance anyone"

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"Remember, Mr. Jones, whatever doesn't kill you makes your health insurance premiums go up."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Your insurance just called. They don't cover 'having a bad day.'"

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

"Sire, they also want dental."

'You know, this is a pretty dangerous line of work you're in...'

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of insurance forms.