Call Hold Survivors T-Shirts

Music. Rock. Pop. Classical. Latest CD Releases. No, thanks --- I get enough recorded music calling technical support lines.

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

'You've waited on hold 45 minutes just to speak to my boss? Seriously, sir, get a life!'

Due to higher-than-usual caller volume, your wait-time is nine minutes. That's over an hour in wolverine minutes.

'While on hold, press #1 for classical music. Press #2 for rock music. Press #3 for country music. Press #4 for...'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

"It was just a near-death experience, but while you're here, would you help me with this computer?"

Damn predictive text, did you mean to break up with me or 'brick my tit'?"

On hold, Rick listens to "As Time Goes By" over and over again.

'Oh, Ran-dee! Wakey-wakeys! You're doing a triple bypass on Mrs. Pacala at 8:30. Re-mem-ber? Out of bed, Mr. Lazy Bones!'

Workaholics anonymous

March of the Zoombies.

"Faked by a snake selling rakes."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Please stay on the line for the next available agent - unless, of course, you are feeling tired, very tired, or maybe hungry. . ."

"Your car warranty is about to expire..."

Reverend Quinby visits the holdy land

"I'm never visiting earth again! Ever since we got back I've been getting nothing but robocalls and spam."

"We are currently experiencing high call volumes..."

'Funny how talking to an automated voice system makes YOU sound like the robot.'

If you would be willing to take a short survey at the end of this call, press "1". If you would like to risk being punished for not taking the survey by being kept on hold for an extra 10 minutes, press "2."

'For an English translation of what the tech support person says, press 2...'

"To return to the original menu say say 'Goddam son of a bitch!'"

'Yes I'll hold - but only to Greensleeves.'

"Your call may be monitored to give us all a laugh . . . please enter your 23 digit telephone banking code followed by your 14 digit account no and your 24 digit security code. . ."

Tell you what --- Why don't you transfer me back to the recording.

Callers of an impatient or grumpy disposition may widh to hang up at this stage.

'I'm sorry, but I never buy anything from 'cold callers'.'

I believe I'm on the national "Do Not Call" list. Oh, that's all right, sir. We're on the national "We Don't Care" list.

'But not important enough to hire more operators.'

"Your business is important to us, so we'll be perfectly honest..."

Please hold while precious moments of your life tick away

"If you want to know what you cand do with your recorded message, press 1 now..."