Business Sarcasm Finder Prints

Dunkie Biscuit Co - Will you stop saying that's the way the cookie crumbles?

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'That's not really what I meant by 'let your hair down', Rapunzel.'

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

German Expressionist Breakfast

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Another day at work would be one too many...

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"We're at the top of the food chain and rulers of all we survey. What could possibly go wrong?"

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'Oh no, it's the Burkes! You stall them here while I go fix my hair and don't let them roam around. Remember, once you have cockroaches in your kitchen, you'll never get rid of them.'

'The Burrito King.'

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Czarcasm

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

The Snarky District

Do it yourself books.

Beware of Falling Notice.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

Pharaoh Cocoon

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'