Business Lingo Decoder T-Shirts

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'We no longer call it 'hiring' - we now call it 'insourcing'.'

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'Ask NOT what your country can do you...but what gender neutral policy initiatives can be put up for discussion and negotiation within a framework of ZERO fiscal resource allocation...'

'Don't you all feel energised, full of enthusiasm for the future!'

"You're all redundant."

'I'm tired - let's outsource dinner tonight.'

"Well, now it's been explained to you, 'Market Share' does not mean we want to share the market."

'The new role will involve some EXTRA responsibilities...of course you'll appreciate that there won't be any extra funding...It's a role for which you are uniquely qualified!'

"I have some character-building news for you."

'My protocol ate your paradigm.'

"Does anyone have any questions? Don't be shy...anyone? Come on folks!"

'This new position in our company will move me further from ampersand.'

"That isn't MY definition of contract segmentation..."

"This contract is gobbledeegook. . . I asked for mumbo jumbo!"

"It's a new role, very much in line with the firms new zeitgeist aiming at a new target rich, challenging resource lean environment."

"Shaded blue box on our org chart, meet dotted red arrow."

Bureaucrat/lawyer speaks legal gobbledegook to assistant with tea tray. Secretary translates: 'That'll be two sugars then.'

"You'll fit in just fine."

I got struck out when management got tired of my sports metaphors.

"I would be bilingual if you were bilingual!"

'If you would be willing to take the blame, we'll preface it with the word 'undue'?'

The c@ s@ on the m@

"If we could decipher their language we'd have a clue to their intelligence levels."

Dad talks in management speak. Mum translates: 'He'll give you 50p to clean the car'

"You have to return it. 'Winner takes all' is just an expression."

Penny for the Guy

Think outside the box?? Where do you want me to go?

The secret of the business language

"Are you having an affair"? "I prefer to think of it as outsourcing my romantic needs."