Business Jargon Enthusiast Pillows

"We can't call it restructuring, we did that in 98' and 97',"

"This brand has a clean balance sheet, a lively marketing plan with tasteful notes of originality, and a strong fiscal-year finish."

"We want to shift the paradigm to refocus on forward facing customer orientated satisfaction levels with a strategic orientation towards market positioning. . ."

'Ladies and gentlemen, we are the best team money can buy. Now LET'S PLAY BALL!'

Under New Management Techniques

Chief Acronym Officer busy at work

"Our first target is to identify a target time for drawing up a list of targets we can target getting rid of the stops being target driven."

'Your memo is filled with mumbo jumbo - I don't understand a word of it. Maybe you do have management potential, Harville.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"There'd be a lot less hemming and hawing if you did a better job of flimming and flamming."

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"We understand you're quite the rain maker."

Digital Marketing

The Big Issue "Re-aligned manager requires proactive response from client base to meet domestic cashflow shortfall"

'After careful analysis of the company's market projections, Carl will now brief us on plans for retooling...'

I'm glad to be the best qualified, most available and obvious choice for promotion, but please stop referring to me as low hanging fruit.

Purple Squirrel

'Kelly, do we employ anyone who can convert buzzwords to abbreviated, text-ready format?'

"Remember, Syms, never use the term 'Plummet.' We prefer 'in correction territory' or 'below cost basis'."

"My French is OK but you should really see my Reportese..."

"Apropos your request for a salary increase, we're going to have you appraised."

"As far as I'm concerned, it just takes my kind."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Sophia, will you agree to form a joint exploratory committee for marriage?"

'Your proposal is written with clarity and conviction. Send it up to legal for obfuscation.'

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'We no longer call it 'hiring' - we now call it 'insourcing'.'

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

'This is gobbledygook. I asked for mumbo-jumbo.'

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

"We’re leveraging knowledge of niche opportunities to maximize strategic advantages."