Bureaucracy Buff Prints

'Let's build all possible variants and see which one turns out to be the cheapest to run!'

Whitehall: Gave honest impartial advice

'Send this back to the legal department. I think they could make it much more complicated than this...'

"Excellent-let's run it through legal."

'We've merged.'

'Having conducted a comprehensive analysis of dozens of subsets of data from a wide range of sources we've confirmed that the likely answer is 36...now we just need to identify the question.'

"The only solution I can see is to hold a series of long and costly hearings in order to put off finding a solution."

'I wish you would come to me first with your grievances, instead of going directly to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights.'

Department of Indifference.

"The consultants we brought in to monitor the consultants who are looking into our cutting back on consultants are recommending specialist consultants."

'That's where we at the fine print.'

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

'...Therefore, we're in complete compliance with all federal guidelines.'

'Somebody should tell our office manager that a motorized filing cabinet does not qualify as an electronic health record system.'

'The secret to happiness is awaiting F.D.A. approval.'

"And I'm sure that as customers you'll be thrilled that as a result of tighter financial management we've measured a 0.3% improvement in12.7% of 12% of 6 of our most significant operational targets."

Public Services: 'IN - OUTSOURCE'

'We realize it is an unnecessary department, but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

'He's the most important man here - He writes the compliance procedures for the DEPARTMENT of Compliance!'

'At last Igor finds a body with the appropriate consent form.'

'Congress presented its report on simplifying the tax code today - it's 4,385 pages long.'

'I prearranged and prepaid my funeral. I shouldn't have to stand in line.'

'Oh, that place...? we shut that down AGES ago!'

'Of COURSE we're patient focussed and I've got the paperwork to prove it!'

'Bad news, I'm afraid. I've been sacked, all bar an investigatory hearing, written notice of a disciplinary hearing, a latter appeal and possible tribunal.'

'We structured the deal so that you'll need a lawyer to explain it.'

"...Now all we need is a product!"

"Does anyone know C.P.A.?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

Office visitor, "Ooh you frightened me for a moment there I thought you were the VAT inspector."

"If we're going to keep this quite, we'll need a public enquiry."

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."

Lady trying to find her way round office using organisation chart.

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

I'd Rather Have The Short Tax Form.