Budgeting Jester Pillows

'I've just had a terrible nightmare that we were living sensibly, within our budget!'

'I realize it's not much of a war, but it's all we can afford right now.'

"The 2.3 billion dollar item, is that before or after the manufacturer's rebate?"

"Great, I just made my last mortgage payment!"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

"You're a fine one to talk about my spending!"

"You need to justify your own existence first."

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

"I'm glad they want comedy... the budget is a joke."

Investing your savings

"Everything's gone up."

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

"What comes after zillion?"

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

Blowing dust off an order book.

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

"This guy might like fiddling with numbers, Dad – but is he any good at sums?"

'I couldn't imagine bringing a child into the current fiscal-cliffy world.'

"The good news is that profits are up 76%. . . The BAD news is that costs are up 83%."

'With 5% spent on talent, 5% on production, and 90% on marketing...I smell WINNER!'

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

'Carry on sailor, just keep swimming around the coast and stick your head up now and again.'

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

"So, the bills still aren't paid? You've never been good at money management."

"No, unfortunately I won't be raising your debt ceiling."