Budding Referee Pillows

'He's giving me a two minute whining.'

'Hmph. College kids.'

'I love your playing....especially when you stop!'

Timmy has a great future in nano-technology.

'I have a feeling one day when he grows up he'll be an artist of some kind.'

"... And his piano teacher says that he definitely has Van Gough's ear for music."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

Mum has a bad judgement day - Well OK, you can take it to your room as long as you play it quietly.

The wrecking crew!

'I'm not sure if he plays that loud because he has a good set of lungs or if it's a mean streak in him.'

"Forget the allowance. I'm getting more than I need from venture capital."

'You've never played golf before, have you?'

Investment advice from father to son:"Learn to walk and then learn to invest. I'm depending on you to look after me when I grow old."

Woman in need of an extractor fan.

"He just talked me into giving him a 200% raise in his allowance. At least we don't have to worry about him not succeeding in business when he grows up."

One youth says: 'Lamppost, bollard, tarmac, kerb.' Other says: Zebra crossing,traffic hump, postbox.' Caption: Street language

Football Skills

A child busking

'I didn't know you were a cook. I just heard Daddy say you'd make good sausages.'

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

"Don't quit now, we're halfway there!"

Orchestra

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

'How to make money in the stock market.'

Invisible Man Kit

"You don't mind us shadowing you, do you?"

'I can't go to be now, Mom - I'm the target audience!'

'How come you always get to be Warren Buffett and I have to be George Soros?'

'What do you mean you're not hungry?'

'There! Now all we gotta decide is what we're gonna make!'

Football

"He's so inquisitive! I wonder what he'll be when he grows up..."

'How do you expect me to fine tune my act if you keep taking me to the principal's office?

"It won't be long - we're in the process of hiring a cook now."