Breakup Reflection Mugs

"Useless lot... every time she finds Mr Right he says she's Mrs Wrong."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Speed Dating for Turtles

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"Babe, I'm gonna leave you... It may take a few eons, but I am definitely gonna leave you..."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

The prying mantis,

"She loves you... yeah... yeah... yeah..."

"I can't believe he brought her."

"It's over, Martin. I've met someone with bigger cheeks."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

When Love In The Laboratory Turns Sour.

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

The Map of the Human Heart

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"It's always the same: We go eons without seeing each other, I think I'm finally over it, and then...WHAM! I get pulled into her orbit again!"

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Blues artis's daily list

"Why won't you cuddle?"

'We have irreconcilable differences -- he's a MAN!'

'Your switching to Scotch? And after I've given you the best beers of my life!'