Book Lover Pillows

'Radiology confirms that, like many other teachers of English, you do have a book in you.'

Tolstoy and Dostoevsky plan a collaboration - 'War and Punishment'... it'll make us a bundle.

50 Grays in the Shade

Who moved my pants?

"We need new text books precisely because the ones we have are valuable first editions."

Another Energy-Saving Idea From Your Electric-Eel Council:

'Just think of it as if you're reading a long text-message.'

'It was a last-minute change, but a good one.'

Librarian Watches As Woman Climbs The Bookshelves

'Weird... look Dad! Someone printed out a bunch of tweets, and then they added exrta characters to all the words...' 'Or as I call it, a book!'

Do it yourself - Get someone else to do it

"We're still pretty far apart. I'm looking for a six-figure advance and they're refusing to read the manuscript."

"I have a lot of really good ideas, but I just can't get them down on paper."

Man searching for book in sections entitled 'Do it yourself' and 'Get someone else to do it.'

"That book is not available at this branch, this library system or this solar system, but we can order it for you."

"If you were to boil your book down to a few words, what would be its message?"

'We are making a film of the book.'

"The editor who turned down the first Harry Potter book, say hello to the publisher who took a pass on Stephen King."

Reference books - Health & Safety.

The First Draft. . . Moby Duck.

Bored woman writing immensely long essay.

'Yes, that's him. That's the author of the book that grabbed me and wouldn't let go!'

'Ah, Gutenberg, I'm just writing an article about your silly bookpress.'

Dinosaur to dinosaur: 'Forget it. No matter how hard you study, you'll never become a thesaurus.'

How long am I going to be waiting?

'We have 'how to' books on most subjects, but we don't seem to have 'How To Dig A Hole'.'

'... and they got a divorce and, due to a good prenup, they lived happily ever after.'

'Do you have any books on managing disruptive students? I want to know what the opposition is up to.'

'This is how we learned things before Wikipedia.'

'You could just say it was that time of the month.'

How To Get Up and Get Dressed

"I told you when you moved into Dr. Condee's office that his bookshelves were due to collapse any day."

Charles Darwin Book Signing.

'We take late returns very seriously at this library Mr Wilson!'

'Water? Oh, that's good! Hah hah hah! How very droll! No, sorry old man, no water here... This is a CULTURAL oasis!'