Book Distributor Prints

"When did you first become interested in e-publishing?"

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

First Novels.

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

The Dorrie Decimal System

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

Little dog in Romance section in bookstore under sign: 'Puppy Love'

"Pssst! Do you have anything on American history?"

"Not to be a motion picture - will remain just a book'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'Mysteries' section of bookshop reveals secret door.

Gay Times...

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

Books: The Wit and Wisdom of Ebenezer Scrooge

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

Blue Stockings - Female poet who has not sold any of her books

Letters escape from a caged book.

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

"Author does not do tricks."