Boardroom Banter Lover Pillows

"I've had enough reports for one day. Bring me some gossip."

'When are you going to show some INITIATIVE, Findley?', 'When you TELL me to, sir!'

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

After two hours of negotiations, a consensus is near on an official hashtag for the meeting.

"I like our inbred isolated corporate culture. It's cozy.'

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'Now, at first glance, this may LOOK like a challenge.'

'Look at it out there, Jones. Successful businesses as far as the eyes can see... We're gonna need some curtains.'

"When they say it's the end of regulation, they're talking about the game, not our industry."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

'Earning our customers' trust is our first priority!'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"Well gentlemen, today we're going to swallow up this other company. Does everybody have salt and vinegar, white bread, wine and a set of cutlery?"

"That's settled, then. We'll lower our standards to meet the competition."

...and the Board voted 7 to 5 not to wish you a happy birthday.

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

'What he lacks in slow deliberation he makes up for with quick opinions.'

'We usually don't make toasts in board meetings.'

"I'd like you to fly the flag for the company Benson, albeit at half mast..."

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'So it's agreed- the first person to lower their hand is fired.'

'Did you have to train to be a complete b*****d or does it come quite naturally?'

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Then we have an unspoken agreement?"

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'