Birthday Schemer Pillows

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"Well, I finally figured out why we were going to the vet so often for check ups! He finally plucked up the courage to ask her out!"

'Many Happy Redundan... HA! RETURNS of the day, Mackay.'

"I'm in big trouble. The dog ate my homework, and Dad ate my science project."

'First item on the agenda...Throw out the agenda!!'

Extreme Birthdays.

No Miss, I wasn't day dreaming. I was planning my summer vacation!

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

"It's because her boss has forgotten her birthday."

'I wish I looked like a model.'

"You should have purchased the extended warranty."

'Oh, you nut! I thought we agreed we weren't going to make a big fuss over birthdays anymore.'

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

'I'm getting ready for mating season.'

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

"All I got was a cake and a card."

"Doing chores is very stimulating. I'm always thinking of ways to avoid them."

Valentine Comix

"But. . . You always wanted a cat! Okay, maybe I shouldn't have packed your present five months ago. . ."

Happy birthday to you!

Boy standing on 'The Joy of Sex' book.

"Since I don't really know you, I got you something that's easy to regift."

A trap for Santa

'If you don't count your birthday...why should I remember it?'

Agent with security case proposes to girlfriend with ring that has a tiny security case chained to it.

"I was thinking more of a leap-year wedding."

'What did you get me for my birthday?'

Robert Macaire as a Matrimonial Agent

Fake it with Flowers.

"If I do that to my own Barbie, imagine what might happen to a tattle-tale."

"So, if you could date anyone, who would it be?"

'For my 40th he took me to a restaurant where they sing happy birthday to you, so I divorced him.'