Bioluminescence Gifts

"I hate this stop-and-glow traffic."

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Church for sports worshipers.

Bowled over again!

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Punt Cake

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

The trauma of losing.

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

The Brothers Grime

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

An 'out of this-world' soccor player stops the penalty his way!