Billing Blues Survivor Prints

These text messages from the phone company are killing me!

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

I am billing, therefore I am.

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

'And you say your face after you looked at the bill I sent you for your last visit.'

"I'm not sure if that bill is correct or not, sir. We just throw a bunch of charges on there to see which ones stick."

"I charge by the grain."

"Remember to round each billable hour off to the nearest week."

Ray Charles

Duel Fuel?

'I'm switching to another provider,dear.'

"We lawyers are very conscientious about our charges and I remember that one specifically: I called to wish you a happy birthday and I got your answering machine so I just billed you a quarter of an hour."

He's listened to 'Mull of Kintyre' eleven times and he's still holding.

"How long have I been typing on a waffle maker."

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

Fart, barf, cough.

"Separate checks as always, Dr Jekyll."

"I just got a second notice on my credit card bill. But I never even got a first notice."

'I'm looking for legal advice.' 'Don't get involved with lawyers. That will be £75.'

"He's running late this morning. He unexpectedly snapped out of denial."

"Penny for your thoughts? I'm a solicitor, it'll cost you five hundred!"

"He's always like this on a Monday morning"

"I'm totally run-down, out of patience and in need of a day off. . . I hate Mondays."

'I also examined you for insurance but didn't find any.'

"Focus, Perkins...you face has that Monday morning smear."

Inside-of-Body-Experience

"The forecast for today is grumpy."

Cranky man won't answer inane questions on Monday.

Monday already, how time flies.

Monday: Even the flasher couldn't get his act together.

Ice Cream Mondae

"...I got up this mornin', and had the blues - couldn't afford your prescription for anti-depressants!"

Man dismayed at his mobile phone bill. Sign on his gate reveals the name of his house is 'Dun Global Roamin''

'What year is it?'