Bilingual Buddy Mugs

"All the teacher's comments are in Spanish. She said there were no words in English to describe my work."

'Roughly translated I believe you said 'Hello, Sailor' dear.'

"Is it that bad?"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

Cat Burglar

Doggone

"I think it stopped breathing."

Peach flirting with a banana.

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

Malaprop Man! Adventures. Malaprop Man! Where have you been? At a stupor her comet confection! Did many of your fellow heroes show up? We had a great turnabout! Backman and the Incredible Bulk were there! So was Caption Americ, the Flush, Wander Woman and Plasterman! Very impressive. Who was the most popular with the fans? I think I was the main distraction! I have no doubt at all about that!

Roget's Pet

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

"My therapist plays with my brain."

"I’ll do the talking. I’m fluent in deer."

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Ted, isn't it about time you sorted out your deer-gut?'

"Dad, is there a word that contains all the vowels?"

'You use Romance Languages when wooing your beloved and Hate Languages during the prenup process.'

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

'I was in the right place at the right time once, and then I realized it wasn't ME.'

"Well %$@#(&!! is not a banned word in the &%Xsing UK!"

'I don't know the story of the two eggs.'

No New Grammer Schools

Turning off the thinking lightbulb at home time.

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

Literary rain

"Stand aside - I'm a doctor of letters, not numbers, but I'll do what I can!"

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

"I love college."

'You say the pains in my left leg are caused by old age. But doctor my right leg is just as old and it doesn't hurt at all!'

Dikshonarys

'It was a gift.'