Big Pharma Critic Prints

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

Trump's Drug Plan

"It looks bad, sir..."

"We could market them as anti-aging drugs."

"I'll write your a prescription for a medication that's been recommended in three out of four commercials."

'I've discovered a way to increase profits on our pills. More cotton wool in the bottles.'

Profits for Big Pharma

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

'What I call a miracle drug is one that doesn't start a government investigation.'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"At this point, we know it's addictive."

"Good news - we're merging with Pinetree Pharma. They make the cures for all the harm our drugs do."

Prescription Drugs '96.

'Human clinical trials start in six months. Sooner if we run out of mice.'

'The problem is that you're overmedicated. Luckily there are drugs that can help with that.'

'Generics of generics - that's the way we'll go.'

"It's supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac, but it hasn't done jack for me."

"You may believe you've been overcharged, but, remember, you're overmedicated."

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

"It's the same experimental drug but now it's in a cupcake."

'And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?'

"Yes, healthcare costs too much in the U.S., but overmedicating patients is expensive."

'Anxiety drugs are driving up big pharma stocks, thanks to global armed conflict!'

"This will buy you four months.

"Try to find something that works like aspirin but costs much more."

"Publicly, we're still saying there are no side effects."

"Make him take 15 of these a day until we feel better about what we're doing to him!"

'We should mention a few mild side effects. If here are none at all, people will be suspicious.'

'Will this make me feel as happy as the people in the commercial?'

'I'm prescribing anti-greed pills.'

"Generics of generics -- that's the way we'll go."