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"I get the new phone, Timmy gets my phone, Annie gets his phone, Bobby gets her phone and you get his phone, dad, and you get to pay for it all."

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

'Mom, Dad! Look what I created in lab today!'

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

Hungry child

'Like death by salad.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

The No No No's

True confessions.

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

"When did she start crawling?"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family