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"I get the new phone, Timmy gets my phone, Annie gets his phone, Bobby gets her phone and you get his phone, dad, and you get to pay for it all."

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'Mom, Dad! Look what I created in lab today!'

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Hungry child

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

'Like death by salad.'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

True confessions.

The No No No's

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

"When did she start crawling?"

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"