Big Data Skeptic Prints

"I liked it better when there wasn't so much data."

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

Rare Books

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

I.T. Fear

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

'Last year we increased sales by 100%.'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

Privacy

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

"First Big Oil, the Big Steel, and now, Big Cookie."

Big Brother.

"To 'click to enter' or not to 'click to enter'… that is the question."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

The other digital divide.