Bestseller Dreamer Gifts

Ted knew he had a bestseller. Now all he had to do was fill the middle bits in.

My new year's resolution is to write a best-selling novel. Did you know "50 Shades of Grey" started out as fan fiction about that vampire book "Twilight"? I just need to repeat that formula: write fan fiction about a popular book and then just change all the names when I'm done. That way, my book will appeal to that same audience and they won't even know why. Which "popular book" are you going to write fan fiction about? "50 Shades of Grey." Only I'll change the names to "Bella" and "Edward," an

'I have high hopes of Wisden knocking the Da Vinci code off the top of the best sellers list.'

S.A.S. Plan of Attack

'Good news. You've been chosen to write a block buster!'

'Your story is extremely sexist, dubious and dumb, the characters are one-dimensional and primitive. In other words - you wrote a bestseller, mister!'

'Oprah wants your book for her book club. Shall I tell her to go to hell?'

"I need some help to write my self-help book..."

US Immigration and Naturalization Service: If you're yearning to breath free...Get Out.

'Oh for heaven's sake, you're a cow. Just eat grass and be happy.'

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

Giant using sheep as cotton buds

"Me, as soon as I'm old enough, I'm out of here! I'll go and join my older brother: he's a beach bum in San Diego, California..."

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

"Ambitions... to open an office on Mars. Kennedy Space Center."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

"You think you're a monster because you have poor self image."

'I still want to be a cowboy.'

A man with Dwarfism is reading Little Women.

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

"Do you ever feel like you were meant for something else?"

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

"I dreamt we got a 'sorry you were out' card."

Beat Fatigue - Stay in Bed.

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

Zorro as a child.

"And how would you like your steak?"

'All right. I'll count sheep, but I thought we were cattlemen.'

'Man asleep in double bed with a pencil.'

Angel Music

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

Aim for the Stars, Settle for an Asteroid

Sleeping Beauty.