Benefits Negotiator Gifts

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'I went into that meeting with a hidden agenda and then forgot where I put it.'

Changing Minds

'Make them a four billion dollar takeover offer, but don't cause a fuss.'

"Dad, this is Wendy, she's going to re-negotiate my allowance!"

"Allowance?! Yeah, if you take out the trash, I'll allow you to keep living here."

'So we're agreed: we'll go to mediation.'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'I might give you the benefit of the doubt. But I doubt it.'

"Let's face it, Dad. If you really thought I was my own man, you'd give me a raise in my allowance."

'I know that other kids manage on ?5 pocket money - but their parents don't charge them to watch any television programme their parents don't happen to approve off!'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

We pay the maximum minimum wage.

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

'It must be a risky proposal... legal is running it by their lawyers.'

A successful meeting! Only one member left in a rage shouting obcenities.

"You're entitled to ten sick days, five personal days and four complete do-overs."

I'd like to request a transfer to a household offering a higher allowance and fewer choices.

"What happened to the good old days when people just breached contracts?'

'I'm worth more than $3,000 as a federal income tax exemption. So how about a raise in my allowance?'

"The aspirin there is your medical benefit and here is your vision benefit."

'In conclusion, the supplier who can repeat this phrase fastest with least mistakes wins the catering contract...'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

"But it will never get better if you picket"

'I understand yours is a highly coveted position in this company.'

"Oh, yeah? Well, we just put out a contract on you too!!!"

"If it gets tense in here I might need you to step up and BS-calate things."

'How about giving me one of those useless fivers you're always moaning about,Dad?'

"Why do I need more allowance? Because if you cut me off at 21, these are my prime spending years!"

'Sometimes it's good to get a different perspective.'

'What split would you settle for, fifty fifty?' - 'As long as I get the hyphen as well.'