Believer In The Divine Prints

'Hey, come on -- You've got to believe in yourself!'

"Don't worry! Remember that God never gives you more than you can handle."

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

'Take me to your auto body shop.'

"Washing your car will cause it to rain – science or superstition? We investigate on the next 'Cause and Effect.'"

Dustbin monster.

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

"Excuse me, do you folks believe in ghosts?"

Two men in T-shirts, one shirt says Jesus loves me, the other Jesus loves me more.

"I'm getting your dear, departed husband—he can't believe you paid forty-five dollars for this."

"Boy, the sooner she realises the only authority I obey is the Bible, the better!"

'Everything looks good, Now, we'll just bring in the company psychic to see if you have any pre-existing conditions from a previous life.'

'...and then these two-eyed creatures took me from my spaceship to a four-wheeled vehicle. Nobody believes me. But you do, don't you doc?'

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."

'Your late husband requests a status up date on how his stocks are doing...'

'But how can we be sure the dating service didn't make a mistake?'

'Your resume certainly includes a lot of UFO abductions....'

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"If only you knew. . ."

'I've got the inside track ... But the Devil uses the big freeway.'

"Oh dear, my dear. I'm afraid the tall dark stranger works at a nonprofit."

Give Thanks.

Despite hard evidence to the contrary it was still considered lucky to kiss the Blarney Spike

'Graze in perfect circles. It drives people crazy.'

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"Ten commandments and the periodic table – all we have to know."

'A white cat! That's good luck.' 'It doesn't work that way.'

Wizards Convention: Please Leave Hats Here.

"I see we're all going into this interview a little superstitious."

See Your Aura $5. . .Smell Your Aura

'No, we wouldn't want to ask God's blessing on something evil, but carrots aren't evil.'

'Yer luck's run out old timer - I've come fer what's mine!'

'Breaking news, this morning the Ravens flew away from the Tower of London...'

Attorneys: Abducted by aliens? You may be entitled to compensation...