Beer Banter Specialist Prints

Beer companies merge.

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'I like you, you've got balls.'

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

"You do realise that this position is only for the assistant bootlicker to the CEO?"

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

'I feel cosmopolitan tonight, Joe - Give me a scotch with an irish Chaser.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"It feels like me against the world but it's actually just the state of Connecticut."

"Hello darling, what do you do for a living?"

'Don't you think you've had enough?'

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

"It's easy for me. Three beers and I'm in the zone."

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'