Bedtime Story Humorist Mugs

'HOLD ON! You're telling me that out of the whole population, in an entire kingdom, this glass slipper fitted just ONE person?!'

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Late night teddy reading

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"Mmmm! Bears hibernate in the winter. Cats can hibernate anytime we want!"

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

"Oh, Aunt Em, it wasn't a dream. It was a place. And you and you and you ... and you were there. But not that man with the straitjacket."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'Larry liked to crack the window before bed.'

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."