Bedtime Story Fanatic Prints

'You're rubbish at this dad - you use the same voice for Little Red Riding Hood, grandma and the wolf. . .'

"Wake up - there's more."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Dog Nightmares

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

'She's just great with the children.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

Why don't you ever like to spoon?

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

Monsters won't eat you if they're not hungry. So, each night, Mom makes it a sandwich. If I keep my room tidy.

"Name your sources."