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Pamela Anderson Ward.

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

'If you were disturbed by any issues raised, please call your mum.'

Pirate

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

'Our regular programs will not be seen tonight, because our Station Manager is in a 'Three Stooges' mood.'

Treasure Island Book.

"According to the map, the treasure should be right behind that door."

"Ever get the feeling you're being watched?"

'NBC has revealed plans for a new, humorous version of The Office.'

"Shall I let them breathe."

'I like to greet the new team members myself.'

'I told my wife she had to choose between me and that precious boat of her's. She called my bluff. Can I sleep on your couch?'

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'CANNONBALL!!' - Whale tours.

To the Greeks' dismay, before the Trojans discovered the horse it was stolen by portcullis pirates.

As Seen Watching TV

Clive Anderson

Larry King

Bette Midler

"We can deliver it Tuesday. If no one's home, we'll just slip it under the door."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

"The X files...the tooth is out there"

'Books are okay, except they only get one channel.'

"This is their way of reminding us how we're losing our best hope for Olympic Gold."

"The fancy dress store ran out of crutches."

'Two large ones when you're ready please barkeeper'

A pirate uses his hook on a buzz wire game.

Thru The Eyes Of A Lifeguard.

"Thanks Dave. I don't know about you folks, but I can feel it coming in the air tonight."

"Let's just binge watch this."

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

'You did your book report on the TV schedule?'

Good Morning Britain has just achieved something previously thought impossible...by making Piers Morgan the most likeable man on screen.