Bathroom Explorer Pillows

Randall couldn't wait to see what else the 'Magic Trash Can' could make disappear.

'Holy shit!'

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"Keep in mind, this dish is best served in a restaurant cooked by anyone other than you."

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'Outside with that!'

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

"I'm unable to process this image."

The Tragedy of Prosperity

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

The noise from the basement was probably nothing – but if it was, she was a sacrifice her older brothers were willing to make.

Boy baking a cake.

'Do we have any empty calories in this house!!'

...If sauce has not begun to thicken after 10 minutes, pour contents back into can and wait for your wife to get home.

'I don't know why I'm so unpopular - I haven't got a nasty bone in my body.'

Instead of a cap and gown Mike got a hairnet and spatula.

"Looks like Billy clogged up the toilet again."

WC problem.

"Yes, it's snowing in my office. Corporate feels utilities, like heat, are a luxury."

UFO = Unidentified frying object.

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

Bakery. The smell of freshly baked bread is the only truly perfect man-made thing on earth.

'Now class...' says teacher looking at fish while the children are all staring at a mermaid in the next tank.

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

'One of these days that finger is gonna tap into the water. And when it does...I'll be ready....'

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

"I want to vacation where we can look at something scenic from some place climate-controlled."

Summer holiday activities the whole family will love.

"Hey Rudy, you've been in there for over an hour. You OK in there?" "I think I'm dying here." "What? D'you need me to call 911?" "I don't think that'll help." "I just need to build more pikemen and cavalry and buy a defense boost before the enemy's march reaches my city." "Get off your phone!!!" "I'm saving a kingdom here! It's important!"

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

'Where toilet?.' 'Toilet lady graphic sign.'

"Ok, who just gave my cooking a 1-star review on Yelp?"