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Twin-killing choreography

"That's my best advice to you, Mr. Gilbert. Try not to reject it out of hand simply because it also happens to be Mike Lupica's advice to the Mets."

"How are the Royals doing?"

'7th inning, stretch time.'

"I'm a Texas Ranger."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Perils of the double play.

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Sheltering in place.

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

Vendor selling testosterone.

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'OK, now let's switch places.'

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Monster Baseball

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"Got him up at the stadium, Chief. It was Yankee Duck Day."

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

Official Team Cap With Beard

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"There! Isn't sipping my Tropical Surprise more fun than arguing over some ancient sports trivia?"

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'