Barbarian Aficionado T-Shirts

"You have to accept some people for what they are and avoid them."

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'Don't worry, you're safe. I started my diet today.'

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

wattle covers

The Beard in the Stone

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

General Meade's Army, Near Culpepper - Shaving in Camp

Antonio Vivaldi

'Long shift?'

Frontispiece to 'Dombey and Son'

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

Ironing Punctuation

"Wait, wait, back up, back up. Who the #!@! is George Orwell?"

My Literary Influences

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

'Excellent job, Fenwick, especially the part where you employ Magic Realism to fudge third-quarter earnings!'

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

"Good lord, Billingsworth. You've stumbled onto the legendary Lepidopterist Graveyard."

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

Library

"Well, the falcon cannot hear the falconer, but the rough beast found a piece of string so I don't know where that leaves us."

Last Chance For Reality

"You have to pick the places you don't walk away from."—Joan Didion, Penny, Joan Didion.

"Hey, you gotta put that away- this is a laptopless bar."

"Anybody who doesn't like our one-party system can go to Russia!"

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.